I have a really hard time taking time for myself. Today was one of those days when I just felt like I neglected myself and the kids were a lot to handle. Days go by so quickly and I feel like I'm getting so behind which makes me stuck....not wanting or knowing where to start. I obviously have so much to be grateful for, but sometimes being a Mom and defining my role is really hard. I want to be my own person, be encouraged and supported in doing things I love most. I don't always give myself the time I deserve to do those things...crafts, writing, listening to music...etc...
I guess being on my period doesn't help lol!
Our new home that we moved into last December still has a lot of work to be done. It's not quite feeling like "home" yet. I can't believe how many toys 2 kids can have. There's just so much to do, but I wonder if I am stressing over nothing or stressing over the non-important things.
Venting...that's all :)
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
My sweet, sweet, Kiyoko...aka: KoKo, KoKo Bean Soup Marie, Cookie, KoKo Moko, Snoober and so many more...At 7:58pm on January 18th 2008 we were blessed with a love that I never knew existed. It was you...our first born child. You were so perfect. The labor was 16.5hrs, but the chance to reach down and pull the rest of you out from under your arms onto my belly was the most amazing memory I'll ever have of you. Your warm, soft body laid on me, skin to skin, and my hand rested on your cute little bunnies to keep you on my stomach. I remember the exact feeling of your little body resting on mine like it was yesterday. The doctors let me keep you on me for quite a while and it was in that moment that our bond started and has only grown stronger every day since then. You have become such a beautiful, loving and caring soul. I can rarely imagine my life before you. The love I have for you goes beyond the barriers that words can express. It's a love that only a Mother can feel for her child and I can only hope that one day you will get to hold your baby in your own arms to feel the same way.
4 years later and things seem to speed by so fast. I try to take each moment and cherish it. I love to listen to you talk and reason with me. You are so smart and witty. Now that you are a big sister I can't imagine a better sibling for our little Kaya. You are so helpful and caring; always watching out for her and making sure she's ok. I trust you with her even though you are only 4! You amaze me more and more every day.
We are trying to put you back in school, but you are pretty adamant about staying home with Mommy and Kaya :p Technically you will not start Kindergarden until you are 5, turning 6 (so about 2 more years!) Hopefully you will change your mind because I know you need to be around other kids your age (not just your cousins that you are obsessed with!) I know that you are going to turn into such an amazing Woman one day and I can only hope that we can remain connected on the level we have since you were born. You are my best friend, my cherished love and first born child. I love you more than you'll ever know. I wish for you to be anything you want to be and to conquer all the dreams you have in your life. I will back you up no matter what, I'll never judge you and will always love you unconditionally.
I love you baby girl!
Happy 4th Birthday!!!
This was a funny email I just got from my mom that I thought my kids would laugh at when they got old enough to read it :p